Time
by The X-Pig
Summary: Everyone has history, even if they don't talk about it. Takes place in the Time & Space universe. DeakinsEames Chapter 5 posted
1. Chapter 1

_October 21, 1997_

It was his first day back from vacation. He, Angie and the girls had gone to Niagara for two weeks to celebrate his passing the Captain's exam.

Now the waiting began. And if there was one thing Jimmy had learned over the years, it was how to allow time to wash over him. His patience was renowned in the squad, as was his hands-on approach. Both of which he had developed as a detective and honed to an art form in ESU.

Jimmy was a cop's cop, with an open door policy that was the envy of the precinct house. He would frequently come in to find patrol officers waiting to speak to him; men and women he'd never met, coming to him for advice. And he was more than happy to oblige, finding he learned as much about himself as he did about the officer talking to him.

Jimmy was on the phone when he heard the knock on the doorframe. He looked up and waved the uniformed officer in. He returned to the notes he was taking, assuming the officer would sit down and wait. When he saw no movement out of the corner of his eye, he looked up again. And found the officer standing at attention behind the chairs.

Finishing his call, he gave the officer his full attention. "Can I help you, Officer?"

In perfect parade cadence, the officer spoke. "Detective, Third Grade, Alexandra Eames reporting as ordered, sir."

A smile broke out across Jimmy's face. Shuffling some papers from one side of his desk to the other, he located the file folder he was looking for. Opening the folder, he motioned to the chairs in front of his desk. "Have a seat, Detective. You wouldn't happen to be related to John Eames from the Nine-O, would you?"

Seating herself, she nodded. "Yes, sir. He's my father."

Jimmy nodded, sensing that she didn't want to talk about it further. Deciding to see how she responded to unusual situations, he bent his head and started reading her file. As he skimmed, he watched her over the top of his glasses. She sat quietly, her hands resting on her uniform hat, her eyes taking in the details of the room unobtrusively. The silence in the office didn't seem to bother her.

Jimmy grinned.

"So, Eames," Jimmy said, closing the folder and looking up, "I see here that you had your choice between Special Victims and us here in Vice. Why'd you come here? I'd have thought you'd had your fill of dealers and pimps from Anti-Crime."

Sitting up straighter, she spoke with quiet confidence. "Well, sir, I thought I could do more good here, helping get the creeps off the street before SVU is needed. Maybe collar some perps before they escalate and kill someone."

Jimmy nodded, seeing a decidedly proactive streak in the officer sitting in front of him. And wondering where she got it. From what Jimmy knew of John Eames, he was much more reactive in nature. He figured it must be a mother's influence. And he was glad for it. He didn't need a member of his squad struggling with a quick temper.

"Well, Detective, what do ya say we go meet the rest of the squad. And let me be the first to welcome you to Bronx Vice." Jimmy stood and, grabbing his jacket, stepped around the desk. Meeting Eames by the door, he shook her hand before ushering her through the door.

"Everyone, this is Detective Eames. She's joining us from Manhattan South's Anti-Crime unit. I trust that you will all make her feel welcome." A chorus of greetings rose from the bullpen, along with a few whistles and catcalls.

Seeing Eames starting to blush, Jimmy scowled at his squad. "Knock it off, ladies. Or I'm scheduling another gender sensitivity seminar for a Saturday." At the collective groan, Jimmy saw Eames trying to suppress a grin.

Leaning in close, he spoke softly, "they're harmless, I promise. But if anyone gives you any trouble, I want to know. Understand?"

Eames looked up at him and nodded, "yes, sir."

"And enough of this sir crap. I'm not that old and I do work for a living. Relax." Scanning the bullpen, Jimmy spotted the detective he was looking for. "Bowden," Jimmy called across the room, "get your feet off my desk and come here."

A stocky detective in a black suit strode across the squad room and stopped in front of Jimmy and Eames. He smiled at Eames and nodded to Jimmy.

"Tom Bowden, meet Alexandra Eames. I'd like you to show her the ropes, take her out and give her the tour. Eames, you bring some street clothes with you today?"

"Yes, sir. I mean, yes, Lieutenant." Eames reached out to shake Bowden's hand. "Nice to meet you, Detective."

Returning the handshake, Bowden grinned. "Tom. And pleasure to meet you as well."

"Call me Alex." Eames looked from Bowden to Jimmy. With a nod, Jimmy dismissed her. Both men watched her leave the squad at a jog.

Jimmy motioned Bowden into his office and made his way back to his desk. Once both men were seated, Jimmy spoke. "Tom, take good care of her. She wants to be here. She picked Vice over Special Victims. I want daily progress reports from you. Any problems, concerns, I want to know. You get me?"

"Sure thing, Lieu. You spot something in her?"

"I think so. Now get out there." With a smile and a nod, Jimmy dismissed Bowden and went in search of the budget he had been going over before Eames arrived.

"Oh, and Tom?" Jimmy called out as Bowden was leaving the office.

Turning, Bowden stopped. "Yeah, Lieu?"

"Keep your feet off my desk."

With a wave, Bowden left the office.

Chuckling, Jimmy watched Bowden head towards the gun lockers. With a shake of his head, he returned to the squad budget, looking for ways to help out his squad through the upcoming holidays.

* * *

_April 9, 1998_

Once again, Jimmy had been awake later then he had intended. Long after the girls had come in and kissed him goodnight, long after Angie had brought him the cup of decaf that was still sitting next to his monitor, he had been banging away on his keyboard.

Some mornings, especially when it took more than one cup of coffee to get him going, he wondered why he was still entertaining the idea of getting his degree. He already had his Bachelor's in Sociology, had done the same thing he was doing now to get it. But he was older and his body had taken to protesting the late nights.

And, Jimmy had to admit; he missed going to sleep with his wife. He missed watching her eyes drift shut, missed feeling her breathing slow as she lay against his chest. He looked forward to Saturday; he had a surprise planned for her for Date Night. He'd already arranged for the girls to stay with Angie's sister for the weekend, they were looking forward to seeing their aunt and uncle.

And Jimmy was looking forward to having the whole weekend, and the whole house, for just the two of them. He only needed to get through three more days and the sting operation they had planned for tonight.

Bleary eyed and nursing his third cup of coffee, Jimmy made his rounds, checking on his squad, before heading to his office to find his notes for the briefing. While he was digging through a stack of folders on his desk, he heard a soft throat clearing from the direction of his doorway.

Looking up, he was not surprised to find Eames leaning on the frame. "Yes, Detective?"

With a quick glance over her shoulder, Eames stepped into the office, closing the door behind her. She moved quickly to the front of the desk, slumping down into the chair closest to the windows.

Jimmy, eyebrow raised, sat down in the chair next to hers and waited. In the six months since she had transferred into the squad, Jimmy had learned that he could not force her to speak. She would do so in her own time. He had also discovered, much to the amusement of the rest of the squad, that she was quick-tongued and had no problem engaging in a good natured battle of wits with him when the mood struck her.

So, he sat quietly, allowing time to flow around him, and waited for her to speak. His patience was rewarded five long minutes later.

"L.T., do you remember your first operation, the first time it was just you and the scum?" She didn't meet his eyes as she spoke, instead looking at her hands. " I mean…well, I'm not sure what I mean."

Jimmy rubbed the back of his neck a moment before leaning forward, his elbows on his knees, and making eye contact with Eames. Their eyes met briefly, before she looked back at her hands. "Nervous?"

Her eyes met his again, and she nodded. "A little bit, yeah."

Nodding, he stood. He grinned at her surprised look. "Come on, let's get out of here. Grab a bite to eat before the briefing. My treat."

Eames stood and followed Jimmy to the door of the office. She hung back as he swung the door open and stepped into the bullpen. "Bowden," he called to Eames' partner, "a word."

Bowden trotted over to Jimmy, a look of confusion and concern on his face. "Yeah, Lieu?"

"I'm taking your partner to get something to eat. Think you can manage without her for a little while?" Jimmy ushered Eames out of the office and watched as she gave her partner a half-hearted grin.

With a sympathetic smile, Bowden nodded. "I reckon I'll manage. You just watch yourself, Lieu. Won't be any of us around to save your hide from any verbal beatings you might take." Laying a hand on Eames' shoulder, Bowden lowered his voice so only she and Jimmy would hear. "You'll do fine, Alex. Neither me nor the Lieutenant will let anything happen to you, I promise. Now, make him buy you a nice lunch, since I know he's paying."

Eames smiled up at Bowden, Jimmy watching as the tension eased some from her shoulders. "Thanks, Tom."

"Oh, and Tom?" Jimmy said as Bowden headed back to his desk. "Think you could find my notes and get the troops together. The briefing will be in an hour."

Bowden's shoulders slumped as he turned back towards Jimmy and Eames. "Oh shit, Lieu, I'm not gonna be able to find anything on that desk."

With a hand hovering near the small of Eames' back, Jimmy motioned her towards the stairs. "Well, Tom, you've got an hour. Good luck," Jimmy tossed over his shoulder as he followed Eames out of the bullpen.

* * *

The diner was quiet, the only other customers a pair of precinct uniforms. As Jimmy and Eames walked in, the older of the officers waved to Jimmy. "Hey, Lieu, when you lose the butter bars?"

"Hey, Jack." Jimmy waved as he and Eames sat down. "I get pinned next week. You coming to the ceremony?"

The two officers rose and walked over to Jimmy. "Is your wife gonna be there?"

Cocking an eyebrow at Eames, Jimmy nodded. "Of course."

Laughing, Jack clapped Jimmy on the shoulder. "Good thing. She's much prettier than you are, even when you are in your blues. Have a good day, Jimmy."

Jimmy watched Eames watch the two officers leave while he skimmed the menu. He heard her open her own menu as he closed his. The waitress came by and poured two cups of coffee, nodding at Jimmy before she left.

Watching the people walk by on the sidewalk, Jimmy started to drift, still tired from the night before. Eames' voice startled him. "I didn't know you were being promoted."

Jimmy shrugged. "Yeah. I took the exam seven months ago, just been waiting for the brass to get around to making it official."

Eames took a drink of her coffee, her menu set aside. "Does this mean you are transferring?"

"That eager to get rid of me? I see how it is. Take advantage of my hospitality while planning the 'the old man's gone' party." Jimmy laughed. "Well, I'm sorry to disappoint you, but I'm not going anywhere. You just get to say your boss is a captain instead of a lieutenant, it's a very glamorous distinction."

The waitress came back to the table and took their orders, refilling Jimmy's coffee before leaving. They sat in silence for a few minutes before Jimmy spoke. "So, what's got you worried, Eames?"

Eames stared into her coffee cup a moment before speaking. "L.T., every time you call me Eames, I start looking for my father. How about you call me Alex?"

Jimmy smiled. "Okay. What's bothering you, Alex?"

"Well, as long as I've been a cop, I've always had someone right with me, someone watching my back. Tonight, it's just going to be me." Alex took a long sip of her coffee.

Fishing a battered pack of Camels and a lighter from his pocket, Jimmy gave Alex a questioning look as he stuck a cigarette between his lips. At her nod, he lit the butt and inhaled deeply before speaking.

"Bad habit, I know. But hey, what's a Vice cop without a vice." Setting the cigarette in the ashtray, Jimmy looked over at Alex. "Alex, you'll be fine. Although it will seem like it, you won't be alone. Tom and I will be in the van; Randy, Joe and Mark will be on the block. You'll have more back-up then you will know what to do with."

Jimmy watched as Alex nodded, although she still seemed unsure. Picking up his cigarette, he took another drag before setting it back in the ashtray.

"When I first transferred into ESU from Homicide, I was assigned to the Heavy Equipment truck, where all the FNGs go. I was in the rear, with the gear, while I learned the ropes. One night, we were called out to back up a drug bust. It was not pretty. The narcs underestimated the number of mutts in the lab and it turned into an all out, balls up gunfight. Our crew got called up to help." Jimmy took another puff before continuing.

"Well, everyone in the crew, except me. Being the new guy, I got to stay with the truck. So, there I am, in full tac gear, pump action shotgun resting in the crook of my arm, when I hear someone behind me. I turned to find a cracked out scumbag trying to sneak past me, behind the trucks. Well, he saw me the same time I saw him. And I found myself going barrel to barrel, with no back-up in sight." Taking a last, long drag, Jimmy snuffed the cigarette out and rubbed the bridge of his nose.

"We stared at each other for what seemed like an eternity. And I saw the moment he decided to pull the trigger, to become a cop killer to save his own ass. He fired two shots to my one. Unfortunately for him, I was trained and sober. Both his shots missed, mine didn't. The sound of the shotgun brought cops out of the woodwork, but by the time they got there, the mutt had bled out." Jimmy looked up to see the waitress coming with their food.

She set the plates down and went to get the coffee pot. Jimmy looked down at his food and sighed, having lost his appetite. Once he coffee was refilled, he continued, "It was my first week on the truck. And my last. Apparently I impressed the unit commander. He transferred me to HBT and sent me to sniper school."

Alex set her fork down and looked at Jimmy. He could see the respect in her eyes. He shook his head. "Each of us, eventually, will be put to the test. It is up to you to pass that test. And you never know when it will come, or what it will be. That night, with the truck, was the first of many for me."

Alex pushed her plate aside and picked up her cup, draining it. "Thank you, sir. Thank you for sharing that with me."

Jimmy could still see some uneasy in Alex's eyes, some nervousness in her posture. "Alex, you are a detective with the New York City police department. You are a member of one of the most highly trained, most respected police forces in the world. And you are never alone. Do you understand me?"

With more confidence, Alex nodded. "Yes, sir. I understand you."

Shaking another cigarette out, Jimmy chuckled. "Haven't we talked about the sir thing already?" As he lit up, he waved for the check.

With a laugh, the first he'd heard from her in a week, she nodded. "Yeah, we have, Lieu."

"Jimmy. Outside the job, my friends call me Jimmy." The waitress slid the check in front of him and disappeared with the plates. Draining his cup, Jimmy set a twenty on top of the check and stood. "We should probably head back, get this show on the road. Come on."

Alex stood and started towards the door. Jimmy, following her, waved to the waitress, "Thanks, Beth. Say hi to Pete for me."

"Will do, Jimmy. Be careful out there," the waitress called back as she started a fresh pot of coffee.

* * *

Jimmy had called home at nine to talk to the girls. It was something he had gotten into the habit of doing when he was in Homicide, working shitty hours. He had a deep-seated fear of his daughters grown up thinking he was not a part of their lives; believing that he wasn't there for them.

Heidi and Melissa fought over who got to talk first, eliciting laughter from Jimmy and a bemused look from Bowden, sitting next to him. After being regaled with tales from the school day from all three, the phone was given over to Angie. Wanting a few minutes to talk to his wife alone, Jimmy got out of the van and walked to the front bumper, where he could still see Alex.

"Hey, babe. Have the girls been good tonight?"

"They've been angels. They missed you at dinner."

"I missed them, too. Believe me, I would have rather been home."

"I know, honey. How's it going out there?"

"Twelve arrests, so far. Eames is a natural. It's almost scary."

"Good people work for you, Jimmy. You know that. If they didn't know their stuff, they wouldn't be there. Have a little faith."

"I do. So, how are you?"

"I'm okay. I miss you. What time did you come to bed last night?"

"Sometime after three. But I got five more pages done."

"That's good. Do you know when you'll be home?"

"It'll be late. Don't wait up, hon."

"I love you, Jimmy."

"Love you and miss you, babe. See ya in the morning."

Closing his phone, he set off down the block to check on his squad.

* * *

_April 10, 1998_

"Damn, Lieu, she's a machine. She's been out there for six hours," Bowden turned towards Jimmy, rubbing his eyes. "I'm tired just watching her."

Jimmy snuffed his cigarette out and rubbed the back of his neck. "Tell me about it. How do you think I feel?"

Bowden grinned, seeing an opening. "Old?"

"Fuck you, Tom. I was up late, working on my thesis." Jimmy drank the last of his cold coffee and grimaced.

"How's that coming?" Bowden pulled a pack of gum from his jacket, offered Jimmy a piece.

Sighing, Jimmy declined and leaned his head back. "It's coming along. But the girls are starting to think I've had that keyboard surgically attached to my hands."

Bowden snorted, his hand going to his mouth. After a few minutes of stifled laughter, Bowden met Jimmy's eyes. "That's a lovely mental image. Thanks."

Jimmy shrugged and went back to watching the block. Long minutes passed in comfortable silence. Jimmy looked over to find Bowden's eyes drifting shut. He nudged him, startling Bowden awake.

"No sleeping, Tom. Gotta keep your partner safe." Jimmy nodded towards where Alex stood, leaning against a lamppost.

"Ya know, Lieu, if I weren't married…" Bowden stopped, apology on his face.

Cocking an eyebrow, Jimmy looked at the other man. "If you weren't married what, Tom?"

"Well, I mean… Shit, Jimmy, just look at her. She's got it all; guts, beauty and brains. Who could ask for more in a woman? Her husband is one lucky guy. You know him?" Bowden looked from Jimmy to Alex, awaiting an answer.

Lighting his last cigarette, Jimmy crumbled the pack and tossed it into the trash bag behind the passenger's seat. "No, I haven't met him. But I've heard good things about him. He's with ESU."

"Wow, must be interesting in that house." Bowden yawned widely.

With a long drag, Jimmy nodded. "I have no doubt. What do ya say we call it a night?"

Needing no further prompting, Bowden was on the radio, calling the squad back to the staging area. Jimmy watched as Alex started walking towards the van, her shoulders snagging visibly.

Bowden opened the passenger side door and climbed out, allow Alex the seat. He then climbed into the back as Jimmy started the van. They drove in silence to the staging area, Jimmy finishing his cigarette before they parked. He didn't like smoking when the whole squad was together, most of them didn't know about his vice. Fishing his package of mints from his pocket, he popped one into his mouth before he climbed out of the vehicle.

The three of them approached the group of detectives and Anti-Crime officers. Jimmy cleared his throat, silencing the squad. "Good work tonight, everyone. I'd like to thank all of you for your help. This operation resulted in twenty-five arrests and the clearing of six felony warrants. Now, it's late, and I know you'd all like to get home to your families. But I'd like everyone to give Detective Eames a pat on the back. This was her first night out and she handled herself like a pro. Afterwards, go home. And I'll see everyone tomorrow morning at ten. Dismissed."

Jimmy stepped back and watched as every member of the operation stopped to congratulate Alex. Despite being tired, he watched, as she stood up straighter, displaying a newfound confidence, each compliment adding more strength.

As the staging area emptied, he found himself alone with just Alex and Bowden. Sighing, he sagged against the side of the van, his eyes drifting shut. He leaned there a few long minutes before he felt a soft touch on his shoulder. He opened one eye to see Alex standing next to him, a small smile on her face.

"Jimmy, can you drop me back at the squad? I don't want to go home wearing this shit. I'd ask Tom, but he's headed in the other direction." Alex let her hand fall to her side.

With a heavy sigh, he pushed himself upright and nodded. "I'd be happy to, Alex. Hop in."

As she climbed back into the passenger seat, Jimmy made a quick pass through the staging area, making sure they had left no trace of the operation. Satisfied that his squad had cleaned up after themselves, he headed back to the van and climbed into the driver's seat.

Jimmy sat for a moment, rubbing his eyes, before starting the van. He looked over and seeing Alex, head back, asleep in the seat next to him, grinned.

"You did just fine, Alex. Just fine. You passed," he whispered as he started the vehicle and pulled out, heading back towards the precinct.


	2. Chapter 2

_September 14, 1998_

The habitual early riser, Jimmy was out of bed and proofreading his thesis by seven. He and Angie had gone into the city the night before, enjoying a nice dinner and an off-Broadway show. It had been celebratory, although he hadn't told her why. He was saving his announcement for brunch, when the whole family would be together.

The house was quiet; the only sounds the humming of the refrigerator and the purr of the computer. Jimmy sat at his desk, red pen in hand, scanning a stack of papers. He had learned, long ago, that this method, although antiquated, worked best for him. It was more personal than editing on the computer, allowing him to actually touch the fruits of his labor.

The smell of coffee pulled him from his work, luring him to the kitchen. There he found Elizabeth, his oldest, eating a piece of toast as she watched the coffee brew.

"Morning, Daddy," she said with a sleepy smile.

Grabbing a mug from the cupboard, Jimmy kissed her on the cheek. "Morning, sweetie. How was your night, last night? Did you and Cathy have fun?"

Offering Jimmy her other piece of toast, she nodded. "Yeah, it was okay. How's your paper coming?"

"I'm getting there. You want to come help your old man?" Jimmy poured some coffee, waiting for her answer.

Elizabeth set her plate in the sink and opened the refrigerator, taking out the milk. She poured herself a glass before answering. "I don't know, Dad. That seems an awful lot like homework…"

"Well, suit yourself," Jimmy waved as he left the kitchen. "Thanks for the coffee," he tossed over his shoulder.

An hour later, Angie found Jimmy and Elizabeth sitting on the couch in the den, the coffee table littered with paper, elbowing each other and laughing.

* * *

At the sound of the doorbell, Jimmy handed the spatula to Angie and jogged through the house to the front door. Huffing slightly, he pulled the door open to find Alex and a tall, muscular man standing on his front porch. With a grin, he ushered them into the foyer before closing the door.

"Alex, so glad you could make it," Jimmy said, smiling. Turning to the man, Jimmy extended his hand. "And you must be Alex's husband. Pleasure to finally meet you."

"The pleasure is all mine, Captain. I've heard so much about you." After shaking Jimmy's hand, the man looked around. "Nice place."

Laughing, Jimmy shrugged. "Thanks. And, Sergeant, it's the weekend and you are in my house. I'm going to have to insist that we drop all this rank garbage. Call me Jimmy."

Jimmy watched the man visibly relax, smiling. "Fair enough. I'm Matt. But everyone calls me Dix."

"Come on, let's go meet the rest of the gang." Turning on his heel, Jimmy headed back through the house, Alex and Matt following behind him. As they walked, Jimmy pointed out the more useful of the rooms.

Stepping through the sliding glass door, Jimmy was met with an outstretched arm, ending in a spatula. "I thought you had gone into hiding in there," Angie said, with a wink.

Taking the spatula, Jimmy turned and waved Alex and Matt on into the yard. "Alex, Matt, this is my lovely wife, Angie. Honey, this is Detective Alex Eames and Sergeant Matt Dixon."

Jimmy stepped back to the grill as hand shaking and pleasantries were exchanged. With a flourish, he flipped all the burgers before turning back around. Setting the spatula down, he wrapped an arm around Angie's waist. "We got back just in time. She almost burned the burgers."

Angie reached down and slapped Jimmy's hand, pulling out of his grasp and turning towards him. Jimmy's wink was met with a mock scowl and a slap on the shoulder. "Hey, I'm not the one on cooking duty today, mister. Now, maybe you should quit being a bad host and finish up your introductions."

"Right. Duty calls." Jimmy led Alex and Matt over to the picnic table. "This lovely young lady, with the permanently attached headphones, is Elizabeth, my oldest. Lizzie, this is Alex and Matt. Alex is one of my detectives."

As Jimmy looked on, Elizabeth removed her headphones and shook hands with Alex and Matt. Jimmy was surprised when she did not put them back on. He looked over at Angie and smiled. She smiled back and nodded.

"And those two hellions over there are Heidi and Melissa. Heidi's eight, Melissa's five." Jimmy left the table and headed out into the yard.

Sneaking up behind the smallest girl, he grabbed her around the waist and hoisted her up on his shoulder. The other, not to be left out, wrapped her arms and legs around Jimmy's leg and held on. Shuffling back to the table, Jimmy set Melissa down and disentangled Heidi from his leg.

"Girls, I'd like you to meet Alex and Matt. Alex works with me." Jimmy sat down next to Elizabeth and watched as Alex turned to both the girls and smiled.

Heidi stuck out her hand to Alex. "Hi. My name is Heidi. How are you?"

Smiling, Alex took the offered hand and shook it. "I'm fine. How are you?"

"I'm fine. Thank you for asking." With a wave, she ran over to Angie, asking if she could help.

Melissa climbed into Alex's lap and looked up at her. "Hi. Are you a police man like my daddy? Cause you don't look like daddy. You look like mommy. He looks like daddy," Melissa said, pointing over Alex's shoulder at Matt.

Laughing, Jimmy stood and retrieved Melissa from Alex's lap, spinning her around. "Honey, not all police officers are men, like me. Women, like you and your sisters, can be police officers too. You can be anything you want to be when you grow up." He set her down and she promptly climbed into Matt's lap.

Jimmy chuckled at the startled look on Matt's face. "She's harmless, I promise."

"Jimmy! Your burgers are burning," Angie called from the grill, a smirk on her face.

Shaking his head, he walked back over to the grill and grabbed Angie around the waist. Lifting, he moved her out of the way and went back to tending the grill. "Five more minutes, then food. Lizzie, could you and your sisters get the stuff out of the kitchen?"

* * *

"While I've got you all here, I have an announcement to make," Jimmy said, silencing the chatter at the table. Once everyone was looking at him, he continued, "tomorrow evening, I will be meeting with my advisor to submit my thesis. I finished my student contact hours last week."

Applause greeted Jimmy's announcement. Angie leaned over and kissed him. Matt and Alex both shook his hand; the girls all took turns hugging him. Sighing, Jimmy rested his head in his hands a moment, still not believing it himself.

"Come on, girls. Help me clear the table." Angie stood, grabbing her and Jimmy's plates. "Alex, Matt, would either of you like a beer?"

"Yes, please," Alex replied. Matt also nodded an affirmative.

"So, Jimmy, I keep hearing about this thesis. What, exactly, is it for?" Alex asked, resting her elbows on the table.

Jimmy grinned, shaking his head. "You mean I never told you? It's for my Masters in Educational Psychology."

Raising an eyebrow, Matt leaned forward. "Educational Psychology? Seems an odd choice for a cop."

Looking towards the house, Jimmy laughed. "That's what everyone says. Even the Chief of D's was confused, at first. It's all a matter of perspective, I guess. I'm a supervisor, a squad commander. It's my job to train detectives, to give the department the best investigators possible. It's just like being a teacher. Except that we are talking about educated adults. Have to cater to the intellect a bit more." Rubbing his neck a moment, he continued. "Besides, if I ever get sick of the hours, I can go be a school counselor."

"You will never tire of your job, Jimmy," Angie said, appearing at his side with three bottles of Newcastle." You love it. It's what you were meant to do." She sat down and, taking Jimmy's hand in hers, smiled at Alex and Matt.

"Angie, you have a wonderful home, a great family. Thank you for inviting us over," Alex said, leaning into Matt.

"Yes, ma'am, thank you. Beats a Sunday at home, scheduling training." Matt chuckled, nodding at Jimmy.

"It was my pleasure. I've heard so much about Alex and the exceptional job she's doing, that I had to meet her. Jimmy's got a good crew working for him, so I figured Alex must be something special." Jimmy smiled as Angie squeezed his hand.

Kissing the top of Alex's head, Matt nodded. "Oh, she is, ma'am. She is."

* * *

_October 16, 1998_

Jimmy and Tom sat in the van, looking on as Alex approached the dark blue Lincoln. They had been out for three hours, having already netted seventeen arrests. All in all, Jimmy thought, not a bad start to the night.

This was the first operation that he had let Alex and Tom plan, to celebrate Alex's recently received Detective, Second Grade rating. So far, it was going off without a hitch. Alex had been nervous, both because it was the first op she had helped run and because Matt and his crew had been assigned to assist in a Gang Unit raid. Jimmy knew that they were rarely on ops at the same time and could understand Alex's jitters.

However, once she started the briefing, she was the picture of professionalism; assigning officers, coordinating radio cars, selecting the staging area, managing every detail. And she had a knack for it. Jimmy reminded himself to make note of it in her personnel file after the completion of the sting.

As the Lincoln pulled away, Alex started towards the van. Jimmy rolled down the window and leaned out. "Something up?"

Alex shook her head. "Lost tourist. Maybe we should hire some hookers to work dispatch. Half my night has been spent giving directions."

Jimmy felt Tom tap him on the shoulder. He turned and was handed a water bottle. Turning back to Alex, he handed it to her and watched as she took a long drink before giving it back.

"You need a break?" Jimmy asked, setting the bottle on the dashboard.

"No. I'm fine. Better get back over there. Wouldn't want to ruin business, being seen talking to you two." Alex turned and, with a wave, strolled back over to her corner.

To the sound of Tom laughing, Jimmy lit a cigarette and scowled out at the street.

"Now, what do you think that's supposed to mean, Cap?" Tom asked, still chuckling.

Jimmy shrugged and exhaled a plume of smoke. "Maybe she's not into threesomes."

"Or, maybe, you are too old for her, Cap." Tom said, humor evident in his voice.

Before Jimmy could respond, the radio next to him squawked a 10-70, a borough emergency. Tom was on his radio in an instant, calling the squad in to respond. Jimmy started the van and pulled up to the corner.

"Come on, we've got to go, now." Jimmy yelled to Alex as Tom jumped out and opened the side of the van and climbed in. As Alex closed the passenger side door, Jimmy pulled the dash light out and plugged it in. From the back, Jimmy could hear Tom reporting in to dispatch.

"Hey Cap, dispatch is requesting that you call the watch commander. From a landline." Tom said from the back.

Slamming on the van into park, Jimmy scowled back at Tom. "What the fuck? Fine. Acknowledge for me. I'll be right back."

Jimmy jumped out of the van and jogged over to a payphone, halfway down the block. Cursing, he dialed the watch commander's direct line.

"Deakins," he growled into the phone.

* * *

Getting back into the van, Jimmy turned to look at Tom, avoiding Alex's eyes. "Tom, Randy's coming by to get you. You are to meet the squad and provide whatever assistance is required. You are my eyes and ears."

Tom looked from Jimmy to Alex in confusion. "Okay, Cap."

From her seat, Alex cocked her head. "What's going on, Cap?"

Jimmy couldn't look at her, or answer her question. He sat, smoking his cigarette, waiting for Randy to pick Tom up.

Once Tom was out of the van, Jimmy turned towards Alex, running a hand over his chin before he spoke. "Alex, there's been a shooting. Matt's team walked into an ambush. He was shot in the throat. They've taken him to North Central."

Jimmy watched the tears well up in Alex's eyes as she turned away from him. Sighing heavily, feeling his own eyes starting to water, he put the van in park and headed towards the hospital.

* * *

Jimmy paced the waiting room, eyes on the floor. Every time someone new entered, he stopped and looked up, hoping for some news. Alex sat in the corner of the room, her gaze vacant. Angie sat next to her, holding her hand.

They had been there for two hours, waiting for word from the surgeons.

Jimmy had called both Alex and Matt's families. They were making their way in from outside the city. Jimmy had also called Angie, who had arrived thirty minutes after he and Alex. The hallway outside the waiting room was filled with cops, members of both Matt's squad and the Vice unit. Only Tom and the ESU Lieutenant had ventured into the waiting room, so far, and neither had stayed long, wilting under Jimmy's gaze, an implied demand for privacy.

Having completed another circuit of the room, Jimmy looked up to see two men in scrubs standing in the doorway. He stopped and looked from them to Alex and Angie. With a nod, Angie stood and moved to Jimmy's side as the doctors entered the room and approached Alex.

Standing off to the side, Jimmy and Angie listened on as the doctors delivered their news.

"Ma'am," the taller of the two men started, "your husband was shot in the throat. The bullet perforated the jugular vein. We did everything we could. However, the damage was extensive. I'm sorry, but your husband died on the table."


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: Oops. I was a year early in the first two chapters. That has been corrected.

* * *

_October 19, 1998_

Jimmy looked at himself in the mirror for the sixth time in the last ten minutes. His hand went to his neck, straightening his already straight tie. Taking his handkerchief from his pocket, he ran it lightly over his nametag, buttons and bars, removing unseen fingerprints. He adjusted the black ribbon around his badge, moving it slightly, then moving it back, before running the cloth over it.

Dropping his arms to his side, he frowned at the mirror, convincing himself that his ribbons were not straight. Just as he was about to shed the jacket in an attempt to rectify the problem, Angie appeared in the doorway, dressed in a black skirt and double-breasted jacket.

"Jimmy, stop," She said as she walked up behind him. Wrapping her arms around his waist, she laid her head against his back and squeezed. "They are fine. We need to go. The girls are waiting in the car."

He turned in the embrace to face her. His arms encircled her shoulders and he pulled her tight against his chest. With a soft kiss to her brow, he turned and rested his cheek against the top of her head. As they stood there, in each other's arms, Jimmy felt his eyes begin to tear.

He had attended many of these in his career, but only one other for someone so close to him. And he had never served as a pallbearer.

With a final squeeze, he released Angie and turned back towards the mirror. With a final look, he stuffed the handkerchief back in his pocket and grabbed his glove and cap off the dresser. Taking Angie's hand in his, they left the bedroom.

* * *

Jimmy glanced up from his drink to see Alex watching him. He offered her a weak smile by way of acknowledgement. He looked from her tear-glistening eyes to the empty glass in her hand. He raised his glass as a question, received an affirmative nod from her. Turning from her gaze, he went to the kitchen.

Pulling his keys from his pocket, he unlocked the liquor cabinet and took out the bottle of twenty-year old A.H. Hirsch bourbon for Alex and the Bushmills Single Barrel whiskey to refill his own glass. As he was getting a new glass from the cabinet, he heard the sound of footsteps behind him. Turning, he saw John Eames standing near the center island, a can of soda in his hand.

"Captain, I really appreciate you having this in your home. It means a lot to all of us, you looking out for Alexandra like this." John stuck his hand out to Jimmy.

Taking the offered hand, Jimmy shook it and smiled. "It's the least I can do. Your daughter is an incredible cop, an asset to the department. And a good friend."

"Thank you, Captain. Means a lot, coming from you. I hear good things about you. I'm glad you are here for her now. She's going to need all the support she can get." Sighing, John set his empty can next to the others on the island. "Her and Matt were close. She's not going to take this well."

Sighing, Jimmy poured a splash of amber liquor into his glass and took a swallow. He offered the bottle to John, shrugging when the other man declined. Topping off his glass, he returned the bottle to the cabinet. Leaving the door open, he quickly filled the other glass and replaced the bottle before locking the door again.

Holding a glass in each hand, Jimmy nodded towards John. "Well, back to the trenches."

With a wave from John, Jimmy went back into the den. Alex was still in the same spot on the couch that she had been in when he had left. Slowly, he made his way through the room and sat down next to her. He leaned forward and set his drink on the coffee table before relieving her of her empty glass, replacing it with the full one.

"Take this one slow, it'll knock you on your ass if you don't," Jimmy said softly.

As if in slow motion, Alex raised the glass to her lips and sipped. She grimaced and looked over at Jimmy, tears threatening to fall from her eyes. "Thanks, Jimmy."

Nodding, Jimmy picked up his own glass and took a long drink before leaning back. They sat in silence, shoulders touching, Jimmy's white shirt contrasting with Alex's black blouse.

Twenty minutes later, John found them still sitting that way, each cradling their drinks, staring into space, tears running down Alex's face. He cautiously entered the room and sat on the arm of the couch next to Alex, touching her arm softly.

"Honey, do you want a ride home? It's late." John said, his hand resting on Alex's arm.

Alex blinked a few times before answering, "No, Dad. I don't think I can face the apartment right now."

"Would you like to come stay with your mother and I?" He asked, concern in his eyes.

"No. I'm not going to run away. I just can't be there right now." She took a sip from the forgotten glass in her hand.

John looked from Alex to Jimmy, hoping for some help. Rubbing the bridge of his nose, Jimmy returned John's gaze. "Alex, you can stay here, if you'd like. I'll make up the guest room."

With a heavy sigh, Alex looked at her glass. "I don't want to be a burden, Cap. I can get a hotel room for the night."

Jimmy set his drink on the coffee table and stood. "Nonsense. It would probably be best that you not be alone tonight." Winking at John, Jimmy continued, "it'll ease your father's mind, since you won't stay with him."

"Thank you, Captain," John said from his perch.

With watery eyes, Alex smiled up at Jimmy. "Thank you."

Resting his hand on her shoulder a moment, Jimmy smiled down at Alex, then nodded to John and left the room to inform Angie of their overnight guest.

* * *

_October 20, 1998_

The evening had been bittersweet, husband and wife clinging to each other in quiet desperation. Jimmy, slightly drunk, had silently pleaded with Angie to hold him, to let him make love to her, to reaffirm that life and love continued in the face of tragedy.

Their passion had been both frantic and languid, Jimmy clumsy in his intoxicated state. Lips had swallowed moans, neither wanting to remind their guest of what she had lost. Even in the throes of climax, Jimmy felt guilty, ashamed that he had something that Alex, sleeping down the hall, didn't.

Jimmy had waited until he was sure Angie was asleep before climbing out of bed. Despite his desire to remain holding her, he wanted to check on the rest of the house. He quietly pulled on a pair of sweatpants and left the room, closing the door behind him.

His first stop was to check on Melissa and Heidi. Pushing their door open, he found both sleeping soundly. Approaching Heidi's bed first, he sat on the edge and pulled the comforter up to her chin before kissing her on the forehead. He then moved on to Melissa's bed, again perching on the edge and adjusting the covers. At the press of his lips to her cheek, she moaned and rolled over. He sat a moment longer, rubbing her back. Satisfied she was asleep he quietly stood and left the room, pulling the door mostly shut.

His next stop was to check on Elizabeth. He opened the door and crack and saw her asleep, a book resting on her chest. Smiling, he closed the door and proceeded down the hallway.

As he passed the guest room, he noticed the door open a crack and the bedside lamp on. He knocked softly. Receiving no answer, he gently pushed the door open, to find the room empty. Concern setting in, Jimmy headed towards the stairs in search of his houseguest.

Slowly creeping down the stairs, he saw that the kitchen light was on. Jimmy was surprised, however, to find the kitchen empty. Shrugging, he retrieved a glass from the cupboard and filled it with water. Taking a long drink, he listened to the sounds of a sleeping house, wondering where Alex might be.

Making his way into the dining room, he noticed the sliding glass door open a crack. Positive that he had closed and locked it before going upstairs, he grabbed his cigarettes from the sideboard and made his way over to it. Cautiously sliding it open, he stepped out into the night.

"I remember sitting at that table, drinking beers, shooting the shit, as if it was yesterday." Alex's voice drifted out of the dark to the right of the door.

Turning towards her voice, Jimmy nodded. Lighting a cigarette, he sat down on the concrete step. They sat in silence as Jimmy smoked, the wind blowing lightly. He offered her his glass, smiling when she accepted it.

"I'm sorry I woke you, Jimmy," she said from the dark, "I was trying…"

"You didn't wake me, Alex. I was checking on the girls when I saw your door open." He snubbed out his cigarette and turned to face her. "I wanted to make sure you were okay."

"Matt and I, we met just after I got out of the Academy. He was my training officer my first three months. When I moved to first watch, we started dating. It was a casual thing, at first. I never planned on falling in love with him." Alex's voice was barely audible in the inky darkness.

"Love is never planned, Alex. It just happens. And all you can do is enjoy it while it lasts." Jimmy shook another cigarette from his pack and lit it, inhaling deeply.

"Mind if I have one of those?" Alex's hand floated out of the night, gesturing towards the pack Jimmy had just set down. "I quit ten years ago, but that is all I've wanted all day."

With a light chuckle, Jimmy handed her the pack and the lighter. He watched the spark of the flame and the glow of the tip as she inhaled. She coughed several times before he saw the tip flare again. She leaned forward to hand the pack back to him before disappearing into the black again.

"Next month was going to be our five year anniversary. Took me two years to finally say yes to him. I wonder if things would have been different if I hadn't been so stubborn?" The glow from the cigarette illuminated her face, reflecting off the tears that ran down her cheeks.

"You could drive yourself crazy with that line of thought, Alex. You'll start questioning every decision you've ever made, ever will make. And where will that get you?" Jimmy stood, walking out into the yard.

"Did I ever tell you about Sam?" Jimmy asked from the edge of the porch.

He heard her stand and walk towards him. As she came even with him, he looked over and saw she was wrapped in the comforter from the guest bed. Looking down at his own bare chest, he realized that it was October and the air had a bite to it, gooseflesh covering his arms.

"No," she said from beside him, her cigarette forgotten in her fingers.

"I was his training officer. We were on third watch together for six months before he was shot during a traffic stop. For months, afterwards, I refused to let any rookie do anything. I spent all my time trying to figure out what I could have done differently, what I should have done. I blamed myself for Sam's death." He looked over at her to find her staring out into the yard. "It wasn't my fault, Alex. It wasn't anyone's fault except the mutt who shot him."

Alex's sobs started softly, muffled by the comforter held to her face. Jimmy turned to her, saw the tears streaming down her face, the agony in her eyes. Considering his options for only a moment, he stepped to her.

Wrapping his arms around her, she leaned against his chest. "It's okay. Just let it out," he whispered into her hair. He felt her shaking, her tears wetting his chest, as they stood in the dark.

He refused to let her go as she beat against his chest, raging at the injustice of the world, weeping for what she had lost. As her strength ebbed, she sagged against him, leaving him to support her weight.

When her sobs subsided, he picked her up, cradling her in his arms, and made his way back into the house. Despite the protestations of his back, he carried her up the stairs and gently laid her in the guest bed. As he stood up and looked at her face, he saw that she given herself over to sleep, tears slowly drying on her cheeks.

Turning off the bedside lamp, he quietly closed the door and went back downstairs. A quick pass through the house, locking the sliding glass door and turning off the kitchen light, Jimmy went back upstairs.

Five minutes later, Angie found him sitting on the toilet seat of the master bath, his face in his hands. At her approach, he looked up, tears in his eyes. With a sympathetic look, she took his hand, pulled him to his feet and led him back to bed. Once under the covers, she encircled him in her arms and held him until he drifted to sleep, tears still wet on his cheeks.


	4. Interlude

A/N: Just an interlude, to pass the time.

* * *

_  
Christmas, 1998_

Sitting at his desk, he stared down at the package before him. The silver wrapping glittered in the light, the dark green bow contrasting sharply.

When Angie suggested it to him, he was skeptical. He was concerned that it was too soon, that she was not ready. Angie simply smiled, handing him the wrapping paper.

The knock at the door brought him back to the present. Smiling, he waved her in. Once seated, he handed her the present, watching as she opened it.

She looked up, tears in her eyes, a framed photo in her hands.

"Never forget," Jimmy whispered.


	5. Chapter 4

A/N: Sorry about the delay in updating. This week is finals week, so I can't promise another update before the weekend.

* * *

_April 15, 1999_

Jimmy loathed Tax day. New Yorkers, already a surly lot, were always nastier to each other on Tax day. Add to the fact that he was going to get to spend all day in court and Jimmy knew he was going to need several stiff drinks by the end of the day. Fortunately, he knew he was going to get to have them with no fear of having to find a way home.

Tonight, after court, the squad was getting together to celebrate Bowden's promotion to Sergeant. He had already been serving as the squad's detective supervisor, so Jimmy had pulled some strings to get the brass to grant the official promotion in record time, only four months after passing the exam. In anticipation of drinking heavily to celebrate, Jimmy has already booked a room at a hotel near O'Malley's.

Parking his car in the precinct lot, Jimmy made a quick trip up to his office to grab the files he thought he might need. Rummaging around on his desk, searching for a last file, he was startled by a knock on the doorframe. Looking up, he saw Alex standing there, waving a folder at him.

"You gave it to me yesterday to review. Made me promise I wouldn't lose it." Alex walked over to the desk and set it on top of the stack of folders balanced on the corner. "Getting old, Cap?"

Stepping around the desk and picking up the stack, Jimmy smirked. "Not old, just preoccupied. I hate driving into the city on Tax days. I have to resist the urge to start shooting." Holding out his hand towards the door in invitation, he grinned at Alex. "Ready to go look at mutts in suits?"

Chuckling, Alex left the office ahead of Jimmy, waiting as he closed and locked the door. Once finished, he watched as she went to her desk and grabbed her own stack of folders, after putting her jacket on. Together they walked to the elevator, both quiet, mentally preparing themselves for the trip to the courthouse through the sea of humanity that was the Bronx during the day.

* * *

After a day of bouncing between courtrooms, talking with various DA's, eating lunch off the cart in front of the building, Jimmy was more than ready to relax and spend some quality time bullshitting with his squad. He knew that meeting at O'Malley's was a weekly ritual for his unit, but he made an effort to let them have that time without him around. They would all go to the bar on Friday night and Jimmy would spend another hour in the office, finishing paperwork, before heading home.

He had been tempted to bow out of this celebration, as well, to let them enjoy Tom's promotion without him. But Tom and Alex had both insisted that he be present, since he was responsible for getting the ball rolling. The way he had been asked, there had been no way to refuse.

Besides, he missed the camaraderie enjoyed by the rank and file members of the department, a companionship sorely lacking once a person started to ascend the command ladder. The saying "it's lonely at the top" truly did apply in the NYPD, in Jimmy's experience thus far.

So, it was with a mixture of trepidation and optimism that Jimmy opened the door to O'Malley's, the warm and smell of hops washing over him as he stepped inside. Stepping to the side of the entranceway, he gave his eyes a few moments to adjust to the low light before scanning the room for familiar faces.

As he looked around, he felt a hand on his arm, lingering longer than a stranger would. He looked down to see Alex standing next to him, a drink in her hand and a smile in her eyes.

"I was beginning to think you weren't coming, Jimmy." Taking hold of his sleeve, she pulled him along behind her. "Come on," she said over her shoulder, "we're over here."

Pushing their way through the throng of people gathered in the bar, Jimmy quickly understood why Alex was dragging him by his sleeve. Her height, while working to her advantage, would have caused him to lose sight of her quickly. Breaking through a last group of patrons, Jimmy found himself standing in front of a table, around which sat the core of his unit.

"And there he is, ladies and gentleman, the man who made this all possible." Tom slurred, raising a partially full glass in Jimmy and Alex's direction. The rest of the detectives around the table all raised their glasses, Alex stepping away from Jimmy and raising hers, as well.

With a loud volley of "cheers", everyone tossed back their drinks, emptying the glasses. Jimmy continued to stand in front of the table, his hands in his pockets, shaking his head.

Jimmy flagged down a waitress as the men in the corner booth pressed closer together, making room for he and Alex to sit. He slid into the booth, his denim-clad thigh pressing against Alex's slacks. At the touch, he inched back towards the edge, breaking the contact as he situated himself.

The waitress stopped in front of the table, in the place Jimmy had just been standing, pen at the ready for the order. Looking at all the empty glasses, Jimmy sighed. "I guess we need another round of whatever everyone else is drinking and I'd like a Bushmills, water back."

Smiling, the waitress looked from Jimmy to the others at the table. "The usual?" Her question was greeted with nods. With a sympathetic look at Jimmy, she turned to get their order.

Looking at all the empty glasses, Jimmy cocked an eyebrow at Tom. "How long have you guys been here? And what's 'the usual'?"

Tom elbowed Randy and pointed at Jimmy. "We really need to get him out more, don't ya think?"

Laughing, Randy nodded in agreement before speaking. "Cap, the usual is a whiskey shooter with a Black and Tan chaser. And most of us have been here since five. So, I'd say you've got some catching up to do."

"Looks like it." Jimmy grinned.

The waitress reappeared with a tray laden with shot and pint glasses, Jimmy's highball glass looking like an anomaly, much like he did at a table full of people still dressed in business attire. As the waitress parceled out the drinks, he pulled his wallet from his pocket, extracting his credit card and handing it to her as she straightened. "Better start a tab."

With a nod, she slipped the card into her apron and left.

While he was putting his wallet back in his pocket and getting out his pack of cigarettes, his detectives were sorting out their drinks. After everyone had two glasses in front of them, Jimmy noticed an extra Black and Tan and shooter. He looked up at Tom, who pointed at Alex.

Jimmy turned and looked at her, seeing she already had her drinks in front of her. His slightly confused look was met with laughter from the table. She looked from him to the glasses, her eyebrow cocked.

"Cap, she told the waitress to make sure you got 'the usual' when you showed up," Mark said from his seat across from Jimmy.

Randy took up where Mark left off, laughing at Jimmy's confusion as he spoke. "It's tradition, Cap. You can't drink with us unless you have at least one round."

Realization finally downed on Jimmy. He reached into the middle of the table and grabbed both glasses. Setting the Black and Tan down, he moved his Bushmills to the side before setting down the shooter. "Should have known. Alright, what else goes along with this tradition?"

"You have to propose the toast," Alex said from beside him, amusement in her voice.

Jimmy ran a hand over his chin, thinking. With a devious grin, he raised his shot glass, prompting the rest of the table to do the same. "_Sliocht sleachta ar shliocht bhur sleachta_," Jimmy said before downing his shot and slamming the glass to the table.

As Jimmy was taking a drink of his Black and Tan, Randy asked the question he knew was coming. "So, Cap, what'd we just toast to, anyway?"

Before he could swallow and answer, Alex spoke up from beside him. "It's Gaelic. Roughly translated, it means blessings on your prosperity."

Nodding, Jimmy looked to Alex. "You speak Gaelic?"

Taking a drink, she shook her head. "No." Setting her glass down, she smiled. "Although, I'm surprised you opted for that one over _go mbeire muid beo ar an am seo aris_, always my dad's favorite. He thought it was a more appropriate sentiment for a cop."

"Maybe, but it didn't really seem to fit the situation." Jimmy raised his glass to Tom. "Congratulations, Tom, you've earned it."

From over the top of his glass, Tom smiled. "Thanks, Cap. Means a lot, what you did for me."

"My pleasure, Tom. Next couple of rounds are on me, ladies." Jimmy set his glass down and shook out a cigarette. As he was reaching for his lighter, a match flared to life beside him. Sticking the tip into the flame and inhaling, he looked over to see Alex setting a book of matches back on the table.

He pulled his head back, turning towards her as he exhaled a plume of smoke. The smile that greeted him extended to her eyes, their warm brown reflecting the low light of the bar. At his raised eyebrow, she shrugged, looking away from him to her drink.

With a quick shake of his head, he looked back at his drink. Shrugging, he raised the glass to his lips, finishing the ale with a long swallow before pushing it aside and taking another drag from his cigarette.

Picking up his Bushmills, he leaned back and closed his eyes, listening to the rowdy, jovial banter flying around the table. As he sat, fascinated by the easy way his unit baited and teased each other, he felt like an outsider being given a brief glimpse of something beyond his reach.

Sipping his whiskey and smoking, his eyes mostly closed, he was surprised to feel pressure on his leg. Opening his eyes, he turned in the direction of the contact. He found Alex looking at him again, a soft smile on her lips.

"Need me to move?" He asked, leaning forward to set his drink down.

Shaking her head in the negative, she leaned towards him. "Did you go home and change?" She inquired in a low voice meant only for him.

He looked down, again struck by how much he stood out in his jeans and button-down shirt compared to the suits that surrounded him. With a laugh, he replied, "no. I'm staying in the city tonight. I checked in and changed before coming over here."

Alex took a sip of her drink and nodded. "Planning on doing some drinking then?"

"Better safe than sorry. Wouldn't look good for a captain to get popped for DUI, now would it?" He snuffed out his cigarette and signaled the waitress for another Bushmills.

"No, it wouldn't. Looks good on you." She turned back towards the center of the table, immediately back into the on-going conversation before Jimmy could respond.

As the waitress set a fresh drink in front of him, he noticed that the pressure on his thigh had not abated.

* * *

Several hours and several more rounds passed in a haze of gallows' humor and cigarette smoke. Tom, close to passing out, finally called an end to the festivities, declaring that if he didn't leave, he'd be reporting for duty the next morning smelling like a brewery.

As Jimmy settled the tab, the detectives made their way out into the cool April night. While Jimmy signed the receipt, Alex waited for him near the door. Bill paid; Jimmy escorted her out to stand on the sidewalk as everyone sorted out how they were getting home. Soon, everyone had been put into cabs and sent on their way. Leaving only Alex and Jimmy standing outside the bar.

"Jimmy, do you think you could walk me home? It's not far, but I'm not exactly sober." Alex asked as Jimmy took a puff of his cigarette.

Rubbing the back of his neck, he hung his head in thought.

"Look, if you don't want to, that's fine." Alex said quickly.

"No. I'd be happy to walk you home," Jimmy chuckled. "Last thing I need is for one of my detectives to make it into the watch log when I could have prevented it. Lead the way."

Smiling, she turned and started walking, Jimmy jogging a few steps to catch up.

The trek of several blocks was made in comfortable silence, Jimmy keeping a hand near her back as a safety precaution. When they reached her building and he saw that there was no doorman, he accompanied her in. The elevator ride was quick, Jimmy watching as Alex leaned against the back of the car, her eyes closed. As they approached her door, he hung back, uncertain.

The door unlocked and opened, she turned to him. "Thank you. Would you like a drink for the road?"

"Coffee?" He asked, knowing that he needed no more alcohol.

She nodded, smiling. "As long as you don't mind waiting, of course there's coffee."

"Alright. A cup of coffee, then I'm leaving," Jimmy agreed, following her through the door, closing it behind him.

He stood in the entryway as she moved through the dark apartment, turning on lights as she went. He took his jacket off, resting it over his arm, unsure what do to.

"Make yourself at home," drifted her voice from deeper in the apartment. "I'll start the coffee."

He shrugged, walking into the living room, tossing his jacket over the back of the couch before making a slow pass through the room, taking in the décor. He skimmed the titles on her bookcase, grinned at some of her musical choices.

He was standing in front of her bookcase, reading the introduction in a book on juvenile rehabilitation when he heard her clear her throat. Turning, he saw that she had changed, sweatpants and a Giants t-shirt replacing her dark blue pantsuit. In her hands were two coffee mugs, steam rising from them.

With a smile, she walked over to the couch and set the mugs down on the coffee table before sitting down. Closing the book, he returned it to its place before moving to the sofa and sitting down next to her.

"As I was pouring these, it occurred to me that I have no idea how you take your coffee. So I hope black is okay." She said, waving her hand towards the cup in front of him.

Leaning forward, he took the mug in his hand, bringing it to his lips. Taking a tentative sip, he nodded to her before leaning back. "Black's fine."

Picking up her own cup, she took a sip before leaning her head against the couch, her eyes drifting shut.

As silence settled over the room, Jimmy snuck quick glances at her as he drank. Sure that she had passed out, he gently took her cup from her hands and set it on the table. When he leaned back, her head shifted, coming to rest on his shoulder.

He turned his head to look at her. Seeing that a lock of her hair had fallen onto her face, he gently brushed it aside, his fingertips dragging lightly against her cheek. He felt her turn into his touch slightly before opening her eyes to look at him.

Lifting her head slightly, she leaned towards him, her lips glancing over his before she pulled back to look at him. Surprised by her actions, he raised his eyebrows at her, but did not move. When she leaned in a second time, he could not help his response. At the pressure of her lips against his, he pushed back slightly, completing the contact.

Breaking contact, she shifted on the couch, straddling him. He looked up at her, still confused but now unable to deny his body's reaction to her closeness. A grin on her face, she ground down on his lap before leaning in to kiss him again.

Unlike the previous two, this kiss was more frantic, hot and hard. He was overwhelmed by need behind it, unable to resist as her tongue begged entrance to his mouth. For several long moments, they jockeyed for position, her hands on his shoulders, his around her waist.

Breathless, he broke contact, turning his head away from her. "Alex," he rasped, trying to catch his breath, to bring himself back under control. "I don't think this is a good idea."

She leaned against him, pressing her breasts against his chest as her head rested in the hollow of his neck. Her breath hot against his neck, she spoke, "Jimmy, are you attracted to me?"

"Jesus, Alex. You are my friend. I'm your boss." He loosened his grip on her waist.

Pushing against him, she looked in his eyes. "You didn't answer the question."

Dropping his head forward, unable to meet her eyes, he sighed. "Since the first time I saw you. Guess I wasn't doing a very good job of hiding it."

He felt her hand against his cheek, soft fingertips rubbing against a day's worth of stubble to his chin. Once there, they pushed up, bringing his eyes to hers. "You've hidden it very well." She leaned forward, placing gentle kisses along his jaw line before reaching his lips. Despite his desire, he resisted, pulling back.

"Look, Alex," he started, softly, "you've been drinking, I've been drinking, neither of us are in our right minds."

"Then none of this really matters, does it?" She said, levering herself off of him and turning towards the kitchen.

At the sight of her walking away, he stood and took several quick steps to catch up. Grabbing her arm, he turned her around to face him. "Damnit, you know it matters," he said once she was looking at him.

She stepped close, almost touching him, and looked up, into his eyes. "Jimmy, please…"

Taking the final step, he closed the distance, wrapping his arms around her as he lowered his head. His lips met with no resistance as they pressed into hers, as he inhaled her taste, a heady mixture of hops and coffee. Her hands came up to his chest, working the buttons on his shirt.

As the kiss deepened, he pulled her hard against him, stilling her hands. Breaking the contact, he picked her up, holding him against his chest as he made his way towards the back of the apartment.

Stopping outside the bedroom, he looked down at her, a question in his eyes. "You know this will change everything, right?"

Running a hand along his shoulder, she smiled. "We'll deal with that tomorrow."

With a nod, he crossed the threshold of the bedroom and kicked the door closed behind him.


	6. Chapter 5

_April 16, 1999

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He jolted awake, unsure of where he was. In the dark, he held himself still, his eyes adjusting. As the events of the past hours came back to him, he slowly turned his head, his gaze falling to rest on Alex's back. Her breathing slow and deep, he knew she was asleep.

Carefully, he eased out of the bed, scooped up his clothes and quietly made his way to the door. As he opened it, the light filtering from the kitchen fell faintly into the room, casting Alex's sleeping form in a soft glow. He stood for a moment, looking at her and the evidence of what he had done before stepping through, closing the door softly behind him.

Standing outside the room, Jimmy pulled his jeans on and tossed his shirt over his shoulder. Picking up his shoes, he padded down the hallway towards the living room, pausing to turn off the kitchen light.

Lit only by the lamp on the end table, Jimmy sat on the couch, his right hand at the bridge of his nose, rubbing. The silence of the apartment settled over him like a wet blanket, dank and suffocating. His eyes closed, he replayed the evening, and the sequence of events leading to what he was sure would be the end of his friendship with Alex.

As he sat in the dark, his thoughts wandered to Angie and the betrayal he had dealt her without her knowledge. He loved her, had loved her since the moment he'd met her, twenty-two years ago. She was his rock, his grounding point. She trusted and believed in him when no one else did. Without her, he'd be nothing. Without her unquestioning faith and strength, he would have long ago given up.

And yet, here he found himself, captivated by another woman, a woman who worked for him, who he counted as a close friend. He had occasionally wondered what it would be like, to have met Alex in another time, another life. And he always felt guilty for thinking it, felt like a bastard for even entertaining the idea.

But he couldn't deny that this had been something he had wanted, something he had desired for more then a year. He had resigned himself to being friends with her, to supporting her career, and he had been content with that. He knew, intellectually, that he could ask no more from her, had nothing to offer of himself. But his head and his heart didn't always agree.

Dropping his hand from his face, he reached for his abandoned cup of coffee, taking a long drink of the cold liquid. He briefly considered seeing if she had any beer in her refrigerator, thought of drowning his transgression in alcohol. And dismissed the idea quickly, liquor having gotten him into this situation in the first place. Although, he had to admit, he had not been intoxicated to the point of abandon. He had acted freely and with intent, once she had invited him.

And that was the problem.

Setting the cup down, he leaned back, closing his eyes. He knew he should leave, make a clean exit before she woke up. But this wasn't some random one-night stand that he would never see again. This was Alex. Even if he did leave, he would see her again at the squad. He couldn't avoid her; he was her commanding officer and required to interact with her on a daily basis.

As he sat there, his eyes closed, he heard movement from the hallway. Not quite ready to face his shame, to accept how he used her, he kept his eyes shut, waiting for her to kick him out. He listened as she paused at the entrance to the room, heard her sigh deeply, waited for the yelling, the recriminations, to start.

The dead air that filled the room surprised Jimmy. Just as he was about to break the silence, apologize for his behavior, he heard her move. He listened as she crossed the room, felt the couch sink as she seating herself next to him.

Neither spoke.

He could not open his eyes, could not look at her. He sat, unmoving, as she did likewise next to him. Long minutes passed, neither moving nor speaking. The room began to press down on Jimmy, closing in on him, sucking the air from his lungs. The feel on Alex's hand on his startled him. He jerked his hand away, standing quickly, his shins banging the coffee table.

Stepping away from the couch, Jimmy turned towards the window, not looking at Alex. He stood at the window, looking out into the night, trying to find the words he knew he needed to say, the apology he needed to make. He heard her stand, felt her step behind him.

Her hand was cold on his back, goose bumps rising along the path of her fingers. With a shiver, he stepped away from her touch, putting the coffee table between them as he went for his jacket, still on the arm of the couch. A quick search of his pockets and he found his pack of cigarettes. Shaking one out, he went back to the window, opening it and lighting up before turning to face her.

The wounded, indignant look on her face broke his heart. He couldn't look at her for more than a moment before his eyes dropped back to the floor. He knew he needed to speak, to break the silence between them. But the words wouldn't come. He couldn't tell, now, how she felt about what had happened, what had changed between them.

Taking a long drag from his cigarette, he met her eyes, holding them for the first time since she had entered the room. "Alex," he whispered, his voice abandoning him, "Alex, I'm sorry. I…"

He looked away, turning towards the window. He heard her sigh, heard her sit back down on the couch, her feet settling on the coffee table with a thud. His hand on the back of his neck, rubbing, he stared blankly at the glass, his thoughts a jumble in his head. He knew what he should say and he knew what he wanted to say. The problem he was having was that those two lines of thought conflicted.

Exhaling, he turned back to face her. Swiping his hand over his face, he took a deep breath before looking at her face. He could still see the hurt in her eyes, and the resignation. Determined to win the battle with his heart, Jimmy stayed his ground, only looking at her.

"Alex," he started again, his voice slightly louder, "I'm sorry. I took advantage of you. I never meant to…"

"Just stop," she said from her place on the couch. "You didn't _take advantage_ of anything," she spat. "Do you honestly think I'm that weak, that you could have your _way_ with me without my permission?"

Jimmy hung his head, unsure how to respond. Nothing, it seemed, was working out the way he had planned. He had not expected the amount of anger he saw on her face, venom in her voice. The war being waged inside him heated up, his plan of action suddenly laid to waste.

"Jimmy," her voice soft in the uneasy silence of the room, "Jimmy, look at me."

He slowly lifted his head, his eyes taking in the blanket wrapped around her still nude form before meeting her gaze. He stood, looking at her, his fists loosely balled at his sides. He was surprised to see that her eyes were clear, no sign of the alcohol she had consumed coloring them.

"Alex, I can't." His shoulders slumped in resignation. "Whatever it is that you want from me, I don't know if I can give it to you." He took another drag from his cigarette.

Her feet dropped to the floor as she stood, closing the distance between them. His eyes followed her path, until she stood in front of him, the blanket drawn tightly around her. He watched as her hand reached towards his mouth, removing the cigarette. With a slow move, she dropped it in his coffee cup before turning back to face him.

"Right now, what I want," she said as she faced him again, "is for you to not smoke in my apartment."

Jimmy blinked a few minutes, he confusion evident on his face. He cocked an eyebrow at her, unsure what to say.

As he watched, she dropped her head, her hand reaching for his. He resisted the urge to pull away from her grasp. When her eyes met his again, he could see the determination in them.

"Jimmy, all I want is your friendship, in whatever form it takes." She dropped his hand and stepped back.

He instantly missed the warmth, his hand balling back into a loose fist, hanging at his side. As he watched, she turned towards the back of the apartment. She took several steps before looking back over her shoulder.

"If you are leaving, lock the door on your way out." He rubbed the bridge of his nose as he watched her walk back down the hall, heard the click of the bedroom door closing.

He sat back down on the couch, picked up her discarded cup of coffee and finished it. Pulling his shirt from its resting place, he slid into it. Having pulled his shoes on, he stood and began buttoning his shirt.

Picking up his jacket, he considered whether he should stay. There was so much more he wanted to say to her, to make her understand that he had never meant to hurt her. But he recognized that his chance, tonight, had passed.

Putting on his jacket, he stepped into the hallway, pulling the front door closed behind him. A check of his watch showed it to be just after four. He had just enough time to make it back to his room and sleep for a couple of hours before a new day began.

He made his way down the hall and to the elevator at a jog, wondering if his mind would let him sleep. As he stepped out into the brisk April morning, his mind drifted back to what Alex had said, her words chasing him all the way back to his hotel.


End file.
